Some may say that because I’m old, I’m a bit dried up, parched, or that I’m in need of a broom to sweep out the cobwebs. Well I say tah hell with all of ya.
Yeah, I’m a granny. A smokin’ hot, leather wearin’, Harley ridin’ granny. I can shoot the hair off a tick from 100 yards away so imagine what I could do to a… Well, I won’t go there. I’m still a lady even if I do love havin’ the company of a man from time to time. I was married for 50 years and, God rest his soul, my husband would be proud that I’m still puttin’ myself out there.
Let me just tell you about datin’ at 70. It ain’t easy. You get attached and the bastard dies! So that’s why I decided it’s best to just have some fun. What’s my granddaughter say? “Love ‘em and leave ‘em, Granny.” And that’s just what I do.
Oh, they don’t seem to mind too much. Times are changin’ for everyone. Back in my day a girl and boy would wait weeks before so much as holdin’ hands. Kids these days don’t wait 24 hours before havin’ relations. Well at my age, I can’t afford to wait either. I mean, I could up and die tomorrah!
I suppose when I get to those pearly gates, I’ll just hope that ole St. Peter can overlook the needs of an old woman. Hell, if you ask the men I’ve been with, they’d say I’m doin’ my fair share of good deeds. Maybe I should have ‘em put that in writing and ask my kids to bury me with the love notes just in case.
Ah, tah hell with it. But maybe.
Have you ever thought you may just be dreaming? The after-effects of too little sleep had taken its toll and something you thought you saw was just a mirage? While at McCormick Place for the Chicago Auto Show, I was walking in between exhibits and traversing levels within the building and there was something amazing poking at my dirty subconscious.
I finally slowed my gaze on one level below us and realized there was a desert vagina bursting out of the wall, with feature-lighting to boot. It’s as if a prop from a vagina-monster in a John Carpenter movie had been relegated to filler art status in the corner of a building used for food expos, dental conferences and dog shows. I can’t help but wonder if anyone else enjoys this subtle beauty as they slowly make their way via the escalator to and stop for a diet coke during the intermission between falafel and tzatziki tastings. Be sure to share, that warm lighting has this artistic masterpiece parched as well.