Fits Like a Glove

Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd (because I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, but that’s neither here nor there). Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks…and a diamond bracelet, oh and matching earrings…and while you’re there a new pair of Jimmy Choos would be SO thoughtful of you.

Okay, so I like being spoiled. What of it? In my opinion it’s the very least a man can do for me after all I do for him. I mean, my sole purpose in life is to catch his balls for goodness sakes. And I’m damned good at it too! My mother’s mother taught me at a very young age, when I was still new and stiff, that being supportive of my man while he ran, dove, jumped and fell to his knees all to catch his ever loving balls, was the best job a girl could ever hope for. So I grew up and loosened up, and now I am the number one ball catcher on the field.

Sure, to the average eye I look old and beat up. But to a true lover of the game, I am a beautiful sight to behold. It takes years to get these kinds of folds. I’ve heard many a rookie ask my man how he broke me in. So crass! No self respecting girl wants a bat taken to her. That’s just Paleolithic. It takes the love of a good man and an easy touch when he puts his hand inside you. Well, and a lot of lubricant. Sometimes a girl needs her goods lotioned, rolled, and tied up to keep her skin supple. Every now and then, he even puts me in the oven to get me all hot. I love it! I mean, who wants inflexible leathery skin? But hey, don’t judge. A little bit of kinky can go a long way. And let’s face it, you gotta catch your fair share of balls to earn that matching handbag you’ve been eyeing. Don’t deny it…you know you want it! So get sweaty, get dirty, and for the love of Pete just rub his face in it… because Coach is calling.

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Maybe some of you are thinking this picture is a stretch to qualify as an Accidental Vagina. I request you look again. The leathery folds, deep pocket and (likely) musty smell are all qualifiers here. Also, who doesn’t remember what Morgan did with Chuckie’s glove in Good Will Hunting.

*** special thanks to Greg and Lynette for this AV pic ***

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