You could say that I’m stuck in the 80’s and I might find it difficult to convince you otherwise. Sure my dated, uneven exterior, showing all the years of accumulated hail damage, isn’t the prettiest of sites to behold. But, I do a damn good job of letting sunshine and fresh air into this eatery every chance I get. Occasionally I have to exhale the smoke and grease from years gone by, which can sound a lot like someone ate too many refrieds on their breakfast burrito, but I’m still workin’ it. I take care of myself. I primp. I preen. I do all the polishing it takes to keep my fringed sleeves from unraveling. I’ll admit, it takes a team of professionals to keep me clean with all the foot traffic up in here. The effort to wipe down all the finger prints from people touching me without washing their hands is a full time job in and of itself. For goodness sake people, take a baby wipe or some sanitizer to those grubby nubs every once in a while! A girl has standards after all. Especially one in the service industry.
While I am here to serve you, there are a few things you should know about me. First, I still get tickled when someone pokes their nose up against the corner of my sweet spot. You know, the place on the window where there are so few finger prints? Secondly, my manager decides who gets to come in me. So you better be nice when you walk in the door asking for a booth. And last, but not least, I’m a working girl. Now, in the good old days I could get by with serving three squares a day, but times have changed and it’s rough out there. A girl’s got to pay the bills so I do what it takes. These days I cater to the morning quickie with a cup o’ jo and stay open all day and all night until the drunk fellas start stumbling in looking for any cheap place to eat. That’s when the closed sign goes up and this old broad calls it a night.
Some day you may think about passing me by for the newer, fancier option around the corner. Before you do, consider this. I know your secrets and I know what makes you tick. I’ve been around the block party through Wham and into George Michael (not literally; he’s not into what I serve), and I can tell you that the 80’s will always rock. So all you newbies can suck it.
*** special thanks to Matthew for this submission ***